Some Jerk With A Camera Goes Crazy And Stuff 2: The Pointless Sequel
by MiscellaneousSoup
Summary: Especially created as a birthday present for Tony Goldmark, I present the sequel to my original story! I don't own anything that's mentioned. I hope everyone who reads this fan story likes it, or at least finds something pleasant in it. Have a good day!


**A/N: HAPPY BIRTHDAY, MR. GOLDMARK! On a whim, I decided to make a sequel to my first story as a birthday present. I hope you enjoy it.**

 **Some Jerk With A Camera Goes Crazy And Stuff 2: The Pointless Sequel With No Invader Zim References**

 **by MiscellaneousSoup**

 _Six months ago…_

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Some Jerk With A Camera scanned the ruins of the park, looking for some kind of weapon to use against MikeJ. "Broken glass? No, you're a hologram, that wouldn't work. Musty cotton candy cones? Nope, that only works on small children and weevils. The severed leg of Michael Eisner? No, that's made of pure goldium. If anyone other than Michael Eisner touches it, they'll turn into a horrifying monster, only capable of non-sequiturs gaining a huge amount of money. At least, that's what it did to Donald Trump."

MikeJ yawned. "Come now, Jerk, it won't be that bad. I heard that Stephen Hillenburg returned to do some writing on the script."

Some Jerk With A Camera stopped looking through the rubble. "Wait, it's so obvious! Holograms are intangible, just like ghosts! COUNT JACKULA, I SUMMON THEE!"

Nothing happened. The Wire looked at her watch. "Listen, Jerk, I have things to do today. Can we speed things along?"

"NO! There's something wrong." Jerk sniffed the air. "Dialogue McGee?"

A disembodied voice echoed across the grounds. _Sorry, what? I was watching a movie. Oh, yeah, right. Narrator powers, ACTIVATE!_

Count Jackula's corpse dragged itself across the ground, trembling. Jerk snapped his fingers. "Spazz, you know what to do." Spazz nodded. He pulled out a remote control and pressed a small button on the side. A small tune began playing. _"Happy, happy Halloween- Halloween, Halloween! Happy, happy Halloween- from Count Jackula!"_

The Count twitched. "Greetings, fright knights and ghoul gals! It's your old pal, Count Jackula from the Planet Drakula! Today, I'm going to talk about an impossibly campy flick that'll get your blood pumping and veins bursting! Get your weak-hearted family out of the room, it's time for _Dudebro Party Massacre 3_! Produced by the fans in a Kickstarter campaign,-"

Jerk slapped Count Jackula. "Focus, you fool! You're not in your lair. Remember that blood pact we made three years ago?"

Count Jackula nodded, scratching his chin. "I think so. I still have the scars! That was some party. I still can't believe that Conspiracy Guy could eat a whole cow!"

Upon hearing this, Conspiracy Guy looked vaguely nauseous.

"That doesn't matter now, Jackula. I'm calling in a debt. I need you to destroy that hologram of MikeJ. It's a hologram, which is basically a science ghost. It's filthy!"

MikeJ rolled his eyes. "I'm still here, you know. That's rather rude."

Jackula began scrawling a pentagram in the dirt. "I'll do it, but not on my own. We'll need some help. From the darkest depths of Hell, from the seediest DVD dungeon, from the most vile of movie monsters, from the beautifulestest 'Final Girl', for all the gorehounds out there, I SUMMON THE HORROR GURU!"

Faint lines etched themselves in the air, shimmering and sparking whenever someone got too close to them. Count Jackula pulled out an enormous ear trumpet from his disproportionately small pocket and blew into it. _**"GU-RUUUUUUU! Gu-RUUUUU! Gu-RUUUUUUU!"**_

The Horror Guru appeared, clad in an incredibly bad Pyramid Head costume. "Who has dared to summon me from my house party? I'll rip your guts out of your ears! I'll stick a knife inside your unmentionables! I'll force you to watch a marathon of my least favorite movies, _Clockwork Orange_ -style! I'LL- Oh, hey, Jackula. 'Sup?"

Jackula gestured to the shimmering lines and hologram. "Ritual banishment of a hologram."

The Horror Guru rubbed his hands together and giggled. "More science ghosts? Excellent! Everyone, clasp hands and think happy thoughts!"

The whole group joined hands, even Michael Eisner, who looked vaguely disturbed at having to touch the commoners. As they all dreamed up the happiest dreams possible, something magical happened. They began to fly!

Joik Mahoney soared around like a canary. "It's so beautiful! I can fly, I can fly, I can fly!"

"Are you crazy?" Jerky McNitJerk scoffed. "We literally went from the ground to a generic sky background. It's _obviously_ some kind of cheap green-screen background."

Conspiracy Guy squealed, causing everyone to wince. "That's impossible, unless…Wait...Green, that's almost the reverse of yellow, which is the color of the pyramid! The pyramid is an Illuminati symbol, and it's on the dollar bill...which is also green! It's a deadly cycle, similar to the chicken-egg riddle...POT! WE'RE ALL HIGH!"

Yes, in reality, they were all incredibly stoned. It turned out that Count Jackula and the Horror Guru had simply knocked everyone out with a frying pan and stuffed copious amount of drugs into their mouths. They were all rolling about on the ground, making disgustingly messy snow angels and, in Michael Eisner's case, throwing money into the air.

By this point, some of the visitors were coming back into the park, so this looked very odd to them. One child was stuffing as many bills into his pockets as possible. Several more children were kicking Conspiracy Guy, while their parents chanted. "Go, go, go, go!"

The Horror Guru nudged Count Jackula. "Dude, they're on to us. We need to get to the car! Did you forget the keys?"

Count Jackula winced. "Ooh, sorry about that. I'll try to break into the trunk with this." He pulled the popcorn bucket out of his chest and handed it to the Guru.

"Minor issue with that plan. The trunk of the car is still filled with all those dead…" The Horror Guru's voice trailed off as he noticed the small children clustered around them, eagerly listening. "Dead…..puppies in the trunk! Yeah, puppies! RUN!" The devilish pair ran away from the traumatized children and hopping mad parents, hoping that they wouldn't be arrested again. As they ran, the Horror Guru started licking the blood-stained bucket. "Mmm, salty."

MikeJ sighed. "Oh, let's just get on with it, shall we? Maybe it'll be a better experience for you if you're high."

 _One hour and thirty-three minutes later…_

MikeJ turned the television, which manifested itself in the form of a second hologram, off. "Well, that was surprisingly refreshing. What did you think, Jerk?"

Some Jerk With A Camera was on the ground, drooling a mysterious purple liquid. "I liked the part with the things and the stuff."

MikeJ groaned. "I guess that's as good of a summary as I'll get. We can each take individual notes and meet up again for the official review script in two months. Goodbye!" With a slight pop, he disappeared.

 _Present Day…_

Some Jerk With A Camera stood in front of the Woody Woodpecker ride at Universal Studios. "To all those who come to this reasonably content place, I'm Some Jerk With A Camera, and- OH SHIT, I FORGOT!"

The hologram of MikeJ appeared again. "Hello, I'm a _very_ pissed off British person. You're going to pay, Jerk. I summon your worst nightmare to haunt you!"

The air shimmered and Kill Bozby appeared. "I was in the Vietnam War, masquerading as Brad Pitt's pet goat! Where are my pants? Ack, cardiac arrest!"

 _Some Jerk With A Camera would be tormented by Kill Bozby for approximately two minutes. After that, the disturbing ghost would stare into a mirror and cry for eleventy-schmeven years._

 _The Wire and Spazzmaster were getting sick of abandoning Jerk for other theme parks, so they decided to go to Blips and Chitz._

 _MikeJ would write a review of The Spongebob Squarepants Movie 2: Sponge Out Of Water. For the first few hours, it would be an incredibly popular viral hit, racking up more than seven billion views. Then, YouTube's stupid copyright laws would get it banned permanently._

 _Kill Bozby would return to the netherworld from whence he came._

 _Weird Al, the All-Being, and every other character who didn't appear in this story would unexpectedly show up at Some Jerk's place of residence in full Doc Brown gear, only to sadly discover that the Back To The Future reviews had already been completed._

 _Michael Eisner would meld goldium with vibranium in order to create the most maniacal cyborg in all the land. He called it...Justin BiaLoufber._

 _The Horror Guru and Count Jackula were not arrested for the rotting corpses in their trunk. They were, however, hunted down and screamed at by an angry mob of parents. Soon after that, the parents disappeared and the trunk became fuller…_

 _Joik Mahoney became the new frontrunner of the Whig party in the year 1834._

 _Conspiracy Guy gained a newfound love of smoking weed, pot, and banana peels. He claimed that it helped him unravel the secrets of the universe. This got him a starring role in the Doctor Strange movie._

 _Jerky McNitJerk would work for Fox, heading the division that controlled the Marvel properties that they owned._

 _And I, Dialogue McGee, would grow to be beloved by everyone around me, for having a voice more mellifluous than Morgan Freeman, Brad Jones, and Cecil Palmer combined._

 **THE END**


End file.
